Last week I found myself restless and unable to sleep. I realized my heart was beating irregularly. Got out my Apple Watch and sure enough my pulse was going crazy. 175 bpm, then 80, then 130, then 49 etc. My atrial fibrillation was back with a vengeance. No wonder all through the workday people were asking me am I ok? Why am I sweating? I thought it was carryover from a tough morning swim but it was because my heart was struggling. I had been told by my cardiologist that I didn’t have to worry about Afib anymore but I had gotten lax. So much so that I ran out of my meds and didn’t rush out to fill it. The next morning I knew I had to go to the ER.
I was given a gurney in a hallway by a nurses station to lay on while my heart was given a chance to go back to normal before medical interventions. As I laid there in my own thoughts I started to listen to the action of the nurses and doctors nearby. Multiple strokes, cracked skulls, heavy bleeding and even some deaths were some of the issues that other patients were dealing with. I began to forget about my issue and started to think about the fragility of life and how these things would effect them. It reinforced the fact that for so long I would obsess and fixate on my own problems. I’d let my mind put me in such a bad state because my perspective was wrong. Instead of seeing how fortunate I am, the wins that happen every day I would let the small stuff get me depressed and steal my joy. How many people probably wish they switch circumstances with mine? Probably a good number. But it is easy at times to feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. I’ve gotten better at recognizing my blessings and replacing negative thoughts with positive. As soon as I’ve been able to do that I’ve noticed I’ve been alot happier and have generally enjoyed a more peaceful existence.
I take it day by day.